Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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