I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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