smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
