You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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