guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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