You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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