Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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