You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
