my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
