Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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