We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
