the condom got lost in my hair
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
