Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize