She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
