i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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