Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
