I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
