i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
it glows. i had to have it.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
