i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
