So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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