Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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