If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
