we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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