i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
