I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
