Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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