when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
