I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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