when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize