Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didn't notice because vodka
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
