The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
