Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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