we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
