Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I believe in your delicious
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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