I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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