Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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