Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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