I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
