a queef is a wish your heart makes.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We need to get me chipped asap
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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