I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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