Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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