i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
