I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
