Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
