He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
