You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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