i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
