Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
