I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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