The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
