Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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