My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
