dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
