we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
