Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I checked into jail on foursquare
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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