Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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