wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
