It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
