My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
