You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
