I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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