i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize