Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
