moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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