Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?

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(718): View more from New York

i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.

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(917): View more from New York City

Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

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(740): View more from Ohio

the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.

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(302): View more from Delaware

when are you leaving homes?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51

(302): View more from Delaware

I had a sex dream about Oprah.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

go back to sleep

(302): View more from Delaware

dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.

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(503): View more from Oregon

im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night

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(219): View more from Indiana

If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...

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(305): View more from Florida

Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?

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