I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pants are for mortals
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
