I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
