My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
