P.S. I can't hear my feet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
