My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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