wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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