the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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