you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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