I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need to calm my uterus...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize