These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need a beard to bite.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
