This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
