just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
