I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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