I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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