so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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