So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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