I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
