guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
