He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
