just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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