You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
