Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Girls should come with a carfax report
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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