A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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