So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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