Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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