The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
