I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she peed on how many people?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
