physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
