girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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