Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
