she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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