theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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