I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
