she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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