Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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