i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
