Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
