Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
