Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
