we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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