When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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