You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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