My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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