he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
