I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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